


Inhibition

by Rattlesnake



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Denial, Feelings, First Time, M/M, Sexual Repression, Sexual Tension, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-07 13:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14081817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: On a solo mission General Hux gets stung by an Eruvian beetle which causes an aggravating condition. The med droids decide to call Kylo Ren of all people to decide what to do with him. But why is Ren so uncharacteristically worried about the general? And what exactly is wrong with Hux?





	1. Chapter 1

„Supreme Leader, we think it would be best if you came up to medbay to see for yourself. It’s hard to explain.”

The Holo image of the medical droid disappeared and Ren confusedly stared at the spot where it had vanished. If he was summoned to medbay because of Hux that could only mean one thing: The General had been severely injured. There was no way the droids would dare to call on him if it was anything less drastic. Everyone aboard the Finalizer was afraid of him and avoided contact with him apart from Hux. That was one of the reasons he kept him around, even though he knew the General was just waiting for an opportunity to backstab him. That and the fact that Hux was in fact an excellent commander and his troops were in great shape, even though Ren would never admit that to his face. 

Now of course, depending on the seriousness of his injury, he might have to look for another General. He didn’t like the idea. He didn’t like it at all. Solely because it would be a nuisance of course. Hux might be an annoying stuck-up imposter, but at least Ren knew what to expect of him. He didn’t trust him but in a weird way he had come to respect him, and he was quite sure that the same was true for Hux.

Turning left he headed for the elevators.

Hoping that Hux was alright or at least not too badly hurt had absolutely nothing to do with Ren having any kind of soft spot for the man.  
Maybe he still shouldn’t have allowed Hux to take part in a grounding mission to Felucia with a division of his troops. The meeting with one of the First Order’s most important financers that had taken place there was important, but his presence hadn’t been mendatory. Normally Ren never let Hux leave his side for solo missions. He liked to keep him close by. And for good reasons, apparently. 

Ignoring the strange anxiety he felt when the elevator halted, he stepped into medbay. One of the medic droids greeted him immediately.  
“Is he going to live?” Ren asked, surprised at how strained his voice sounded. 

“Oh yes”, the droid assured him. “He’s almost completely fine.” 

The strange relief that surged through Ren was proof of how much he’d feared to train a new General for the First Order. He felt almost elated.

“There’s nothing wrong with him then?”

“Unfortunately, there is.” The droid led the way through the medical station with it’s white walls and glistening apparatuses and Ren followed close behind. He was anxious now to see Hux.

To his surprise the General was sitting on one of the stretchers, watching a droid who was bandaging his chest. He was wearing his uniform trousers and boots and was sitting very upright. His typical poise hadn’t left him.

“Hux?” Ren asked and when Hux looked up he was even more surprised that instead of his usual scowl there was the hint of a smile tugging at his lips. This seemed so unusual that Ren’s heart nearly missed a beat. He’d seen Hux smirk triumphantly or condescendingly, but a warm smile like this was an expression he’d never witnessed before.

And something else about Hux was different, even though Ren couldn’t put his finger on what it was. “Are you hurt?” he asked, indicating the bandages.  
“Oh it’s just a scratch”, Hux said. “I appreciate your concern, though.” It didn’t sound ironic.

Ren frowned. “Could someone please tell me what’s wrong with him?”

Droids couldn’t really clear their throats, but the one who was putting the bandage on Hux almost sounded like he did. “There’s a little issue with a bite”, he said.  
“An insect bite.”

“Poisonous?” Ren asked and felt a little jolt in his stomach. Maybe Hux only looked fine. Maybe he was slowly dying from the inside, his life being drained from him by some mysterious venom. If he knew he was dying that might explain the change in his demeanour. 

But surely he could help. Surely it was something the force could prevent from happening. If they would only talk to him already, tell him what was wrong…  
“Yes, but neither lethal nor particularly dangerous”, the droid answered. “At least as long as he’s being watched.”

“I’m fine”, Hux assured them. “Completely fine.”

“Talk”, Ren demanded from the droid, his force reaching out and drawing dangerously close the the robot’s regulating system. “I want to know exactly what’s wrong with him.”

“He was bitten by an Eruvian beetle.” The droid hurried to explain. “They excrete a poison that lowers inhibition. Similar to alcohol when consumed in huge amounts or some drugs. Only with different side effects.”

That should not be a problem, Ren thought. As far as he knew, Hux didn’t have anything inside of him that lowered inhibitions could bring out. He sighed with relief and called the force back to him. 

“Is this going to take long?” Hux asked, indicating the bandages. “I really need to pee.”

Ren stared at him. This was so completely different from anything he had ever heard Hux say that he was taken aback for a moment.

“No, General”, the droid assured him. “We’re almost done here.”

“Good.” Hux smiled at Ren again. It was hard to believe but he looked almost … almost sweet when he smiled like that. So much younger. His eyes crinkled and lost all of their hardness. There was a little twinkle in them and he actually had little dimples. 

“We thought we’d ask you about how to proceed”, a second medical droid addressed Ren, who was still a little mesmerized. “As you can see it might not be the best idea to let one of his subordinates watch him in his condition.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Ren swallowed.

“What are you even talking about?” Hux asked, getting up from the stretcher. “I told you, I’m completely…” he stumbled and Ren reached out with the force to stabilize him. Hux laughed. A sound that Ren had never heard before. It wasn’t a bad sound. “What was that?”

“You might feel a little lightheaded, General”, the first droid told him. “It’s the poison. Don’t worry. It’ll wear off in a little more than a cycle.

“I feel quite good actually. Where is the bathroom again?”

“Over there”, the droid helpfully pointed it out. He looked at Ren. “Disorientation is another symptom.”

Ren nodded.

“General, don’t you want to put your shirt back on?” The first droid followed him towards the bathroom with it.

Ren turned to the second droid and the droid turned to him. 

“You better tell me right now which side-effects there are. Apart from those I’ve already witnessed.”

“Lowered inhibition”, the droid said. “As a matter of fact the more constrained the person usually is, the more drastic the effect.”

“Well…”

“Yes.” The droid nodded affirmatively. “That’s what we were thinking. Unusual cheerfulness is also a typical side-effect. And …” the droid hesitated which was unusual for his kind. This one must have a decency circuit which Ren found extremely annoying.

“What?”

“An increased sexual desire.”

“Oh.”

“That is one of the reason we thought we’d call on you, Supreme Leader. We weren’t really sure how this might turn out.”

“You did well”, Ren said. He was quite sure Hux didn’t have any sexual needs, so they probably couldn’t be increased, but who knew. “I’ll watch him myself until this is over.”

“Oh, there’s one more thing”, the droid said. “After a period of lowered inhibition, there is often a period of self-loathing and feeling horrified by former decisions.”

Ren nodded. “I will take that into account.” He was impatient now for Hux’s return.

“It would be best if he just slept it off. We don’t want to give him any sleep-inducing drugs however. Interdependencies of an Eruvian’s bite have yet to be examined.”

“I see.”

Hux was buttoning his black shirt when he came back into the examination room, trailed by the first droid. His hair was a little dishevelled and his collar wasn’t straight. Ren should have been appalled by this, but all he could think about was that Hux’s hair looked a much deeper shade of red when it wasn’t perfectly slicked back, his eyes so much greener when he wasn’t frowning. 

“Come with me General, you should lie down.” His voice sounded coarse.

“I’m not tired at all”, Hux said. “Still, I have to thank you, Ren for worrying about me. I honestly always thought you didn’t give a damn about me.” He walked to Ren’s side, still fumbling with the top button of his shirt that didn’t seem to want to close.

“Let me”, Ren said. 

He was wearing gloves but with a little help of the force the problem was almost immediately solved. Hux swallowed hard and Ren’s eyes stayed pinned to his Adam’s apple for a moment.

“Thanks Ren. My fingers don’t seem to be working right. Maybe something is wrong.” He looked at Ren, seeming a little flustered. “Also I’m so hot! I feel like I’m burning up from the inside. Or is it hot in here?”

“No.” Ren moved towards the elevators. It was probably time to get Hux away from prying eyes and ears. “Come on.”

Hux hurried to follow him into the lift. “I don’t know what it is”, he moaned. “I’m only wearing a shirt and you’re in your whole attire and still I feel like I could melt.” He leaned against the durasteel wall, something he would never have allowed himself a day ago.

“You can dress down in my quarters. Now pull yourself together.”

Hux fanned himself with one hand. “You’re taking me to your quarters? Why?”

“I’m going to have to watch you for a while and I’m not going to sit around in your rooms without anything to do.”

“Okay”, Hux smiled again and Ren wished he would stop doing that, because each time he noticed something new. This time it was how full Hux’s lips were.  
“Lucky me.” Hux said. “I’ve always wanted to see how it looked in there!”

“You’re really far gone, right?” Ren left the elevator and strode down the hallways, leading to his room.

“Am I?” Hux hurried to keep up. “I don’t feel that much different.”

He stumbled and Ren was barely able to catch his arm. Hux let out a sound that could only really be described as a soft giggle. “I am a little dizzy, though.”  
Ren hesitated for a moment and then decided to take Hux’s arm. Tomorrow they could decide together what kind of explanation about Hux being wounded in battle they would publish. It didn’t matter if anyone saw him supporting Hux now. It was much better in any case than Hux tumbling to the floor in front of any subordinates that might cross their way.

“Thanks, Ren.” he said and moved closer.

Ren was glad when the door to his quarters closed behind them. 

He stopped being glad when Hux didn’t let go of his arm. 

“It’s alright, you can sit over there”, he gestured to the sofa that seemed out of place and as if it had never been used in his otherwise bleak first room. He was supposed to receive guests here, which he never did. The room reflected nothing of his personality. He liked the external observation portal on the far end of the room, however. The transpari steel went all the way down to the floor and granted a fantastic view of the galaxy at all times. 

He threw a side-ways glance at Hux who wasn’t moving and was surprised to see that the other man seemed completely mesmerized by the view. “It’s so beautiful”, he whispered. 

Ren frowned. It wasn’t as if Hux had never seen a view like this. He could watch the stars from one of their control bays any day. That damn beetle must have one hell of a poison.

Hux turned around to face him. There was only an arms-length between them and Ren took him in with interest. He was still the same man, of course. Pale, lean and with an air of aloofness, but some of his restraint seemed to have pealed away, showing another side of him that had Ren involuntarily curious.

“I didn’t know you cared for me in the least”, Hux said and even in his present state the words didn’t seem to come easy. “I hoped you did but I always thought I was next to nothing to you.”

“You should stop talking”, Ren said softly. “You’ll probably regret what you said tomorrow.”

 

“Maybe”, Hux agreed. “But I also know I’d never find the courage to do this if I was completely myself.”

He stepped forward as if he’d decided to step over the edge of a cliff and put his arms around Ren.

Ren stood completely motionless, the action taking him completely by surprise. He felt Hux’s slender body pressing against his and his arms encircling his torso with surprising strength. Before he could even contemplate what to do next, his arms came up automatically and pulled Hux closer. 

The next minute he had his control back and put his hands to Hux’s shoulders to push him back with some force, though not enough to send him to the floor or into the next wall.

Hux looked at him with burning eyes, his arms hanging down at his sides, his breathing heavy. “You hugged me back.”

“I was taken off guard.”

“Even more of a sign you want this, too.”

“Hux, just listen to yourself.” Ren moved a step backwards. “You’re not making sense.”

“Maybe you want this just as much as I do and just like me you thought that this could never be. That it was completely impossible and controlled yourself.” Hux followed him and Ren was now almost a little afraid of him. His green eyes were so bright now, almost shining, and he seemed so determined, so overwhelmed by whatever he thought he was feeling.

“I want you, Ren”, he said. “I want you so much.”

“You don’t. It’s just the poison talking.” 

Hux shook his head. “The droids said nothing about illusions, just about inhibitions being lowered. I’ve wanted you since I’ve known you, always dreamed about you, always tried to be something for you.”

“You’re going to regret what you’re saying tomorrow.” Ren knew he was repeating himself, but he was at a complete loss about what to do or say.

“To hell with that”, Hux suddenly seemed furious. “I’ve always held back, since I was five years old. Never showed my feelings, never let anything make me lose control. Look where it got me. Do you think I’m happy?”

 

“Hux…”  
“I may seem like a droid to you but I’m a human being, Ren. I have feelings, I have needs, even though I’ve always denied them. And you’re the same way.” He punched Ren in the chest and even though it didn’t hurt it took Ren completely off guard. He grabbed Hux’s fist. “Calm down. You’re poisoned.”

“And I’m glad I am, if I can finally say what I want to say.” His face changed again and the anger left it. He bit his lower lip and there was suddenly such unrestrained want in his eyes that Ren shuddered. 

“I want to sleep with you, Kylo Ren”, he whispered, his voice shaking. “I want it so badly that some days I can’t concentrate on anything else. Sometimes I get hard just because you’re in the same room. I don’t know why it’s you who does this to me, but I don’t care anymore. I just…” he hesitated. “If there’s any chance of it happening, if you like me at all, could we please do it?” He looked up at him, eyes burning.

Ren let go of Hux’s wrist and for a moment he felt as if he should turn around and leave the room, get out of this mess that one abominable insect had gotten him into. Then he brought one gloved hand up to Hux’s face and cupped his cheek. Hux closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. “Does this mean yes?”

“You would never have asked for this if you hadn’t been bitten.”

“I know. Still I never would have stopped pining for you.” Hux moved closer again as if he was drawn by a magnet. “I’m hard for you now, Ren. Please…”

“It’s not right”, Ren whispered, letting his thumb glide over Hux’s cheekbone. “I would be taking advantage of you in the state you’re in.”

“Oh, please don’t go all chivalrous on me now. I’m so horny I could melt.”

And in that moment Ren can’t resist. He tilts Hux’s chin and leans forward to kiss him, deep and hungry as he’s seen it in his dreams. It’s been so long since he’s kissed anyone in reality and the intensity of it takes his breath away. He can hear Hux moaning into the kiss, can feel his heartbeat against his own chest, quick and eager, like the wings of a captured bird. It’s beautiful and fulfilling and intoxicating … but completely wrong.

He moves away and Hux cries out in frustration, tries to pull him back against him, but Ren is the stronger of them both. He takes a step backwards and looks at Hux who is flushed and desperate, close to tears. He must be feeling all of his emotions a hundred times stronger right now and Ren feels sorry for him. But that’s exactly the reason why he has to stop this here. 

“You liked it, too”, Hux says, clearly trying to regain some control and failing. He’s still aroused, Ren can sense it and see it and it takes all of his learned self-control not to throw him over his shoulder and carry him to his bed. But his thoughts go back to what the droid told him, about Hux probably regretting what he did and said tomorrow, about the self-loathing he’s going to experience. The idea that Hux might hate Ren for taking advantage of him sobers him immediately. He doesn’t want Hux to loathe him, can’t even stand the idea.

“Yes, I did. But you’re not yourself right now.”

“When I’m myself I don’t have the courage to do this, don’t you get that?” Hux’s anger and frustration is evident in his tone. “I want it so much but I could never bring myself to admit it.”

“I know what you want now”, Ren says as calmly as possible. “If you still feel that way tomorrow I will give it to you.”

“I’ll probably deny it.”

“I’ll seduce you.”

Hux looks up at him, lips trembling. “I want your hands on me so much right now. I want to know what it would feel like to have you inside me.”

“You will.”

“And how am I supposed to survive this until tomorrow?”

Ren swallows hard. “You will probably have to take care of it yourself for now.”

Hux falters, looks almost lost. “I … it’s always so difficult to … to finish for me. Some days it feels like I can’t get there no matter what I try.”

Ren contemplates that for a minute and decides it doesn’t surprise him. Poor Hux, always perfectly poised, always in his head. Of course it would be difficult for him to find release. And he so wishes he could help him.

“Maybe that too is different now.”

“You think so?” Hux looks hopeful. 

“Why don’t you try.” Ren gestures towards his bathroom.

“I wish we could just…”

“Tomorrow.”

A few moments later Ren Is leaning against his own bathroom door from the outside, trying to catch Hux’s every breath. He knows this is also wrong, but still better than sleeping with him while he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. He’s groping his own erection through his pants and he wishes so desperately he could be with Hux right now, make it easier for him, show him how good it can feel, to just let go, take him over the edge. Each desperate moan he can hear through the door takes him higher, makes him want to pound against the door and demand entrance, bend Hux over the washing table and fuck him until he sees stars. But he reigns himself in.

He can hear that even in his current state it’s not easy for Hux to make himself come. His moans become more desperate after a while, more agonized until he’s almost sobbing. Ren feels with him. It must be excruciating to be this horny and not be able to find relief. Tomorrow he’s going to make him come so good, make him writhe in ecstasy …

Hux cries out in frustration and Ren can’t take it anymore. He reaches out with the force. Just a little touch, a little shove to bring him over the edge. It works and finally he hears the outcry of relief that he’s been waiting for. He can feel the blood rush to his head and elsewhere, when Hux actually calls out Ren’s name when he comes.

This time it’s Ren who feels a little light-headed.

Hux opens the door a moment later, looking adorably dishevelled and Ren pulls him into a hug. “Well done”, he whispers. “Do you think you can sleep now?”

Hux nods. “I really hope this isn’t just another dream.” He trods off towards Ren’s bedroom, looking a little forlorn.

Ren desperately needs the shower after what just happened, otherwise he’ll never be able to sleep next to Hux right now. 

Thoughts rush through his head while he pleasures himself with determined strokes: Hux’s green eyes looking up at him, full of desire, his beautiful lips parting for his kiss eagerly, his hands, roaming over Ren’s body. And then finally: Hux coming with Ren’s name on his lips. 

He blows his load, leaning against the wall of the fresher with one hand, throwing his head back. 

And he hopes desperately that Hux won’t reject him tomorrow.

The other man is already sleeping when Ren comes back to the bedroom. He’s curled up on the side further from the wall, barely covered by the blanket. His red hair is a stark contrast to the whiteness of the sheet and as Hux has apparently stripped down to his underwear, Ren can see small freckles on his shoulder. He wants to kiss all of them. 

Instead he sheds his bathrobe, dons a pair of underpants so as not to shock Hux, should he wake up before him and carefully climbs over him to his half of the bed. He had never allowed himself to think about Hux in his bed when he was awake, but this resembles some dreams he’s had that were so vivid he looked around for Hux when he woke up. 

And just like Hux he hopes that this isn’t just some weird dream.


	2. Chapter 2

Ren wakes up a few hours later, because he senses movement next to himself. Immediately thoughts of what happened last night rush into his head.   
Hux sits up with a start next to him and by the incredulous look on his face and the way his shoulders are set, Ren knows that he’s back to his usual self. Ren feels an unfamiliar ache in his chest. Already he misses the sweet sensual creature he brought back to his quarters less than a cycle ago and it hurts that he might never see him again.

“Please tell me this is a nightmare”, Hux says, sheer terror in his voice. “Tell me I’m still dreaming.”

He’s tense, almost rigid, clearly trying to regain some control. In a desperate attempt to cover himself he pulls the blanket up to his bandaged chest. Ren knows that Hux is wearing black underpants and he thinks that he is probably very glad about not being naked at least. 

“It’s not a dream”, Ren whispers softly, not yet willing to let it all go. “Or if it is, I’m dreaming, too.”

It would be easy to ridicule Hux right now, to torture him with what he told him. But now that he knows there’s that beautiful and desperate young man somewhere beneath the impeccable schemer that Hux represents to the outer world, he can’t do it. He owes that man. He made a promise to him.  
“I need to leave”, Hux says, looking almost sick now, his skin even paler than usual. His jaw is set, eyes avoiding Ren.

Ren reaches out and puts a hand on his forearm. “Stay.”

“Why?” Hux looks at him with such disgust, Ren pulls his hand away. “So you can embarrass me in every way you can think of?”

“No, Hux. Calm down, please.”

“Don’t you dare tell me what to do right now, Kylo Ren.”

Ren can sense that Hux is like a wounded animal, desperately lashing out at the person he is sure will hurt him. And he knows he has to be very careful, has to consider his every move or else this will turn into disaster. Already Hux is close to cracking. 

Ren sits up slowly, as if he’s trying not to shy Hux away. He needs to know what exactly Hux is afraid of. “Do you remember everything that happened last night?”

Hux shakes his head and then suddenly he loses his cool. He buries his face in his hands and his shoulders are heaving, even though he’s not crying. “I remember enough.” His voice is muffled. “I know you learned things about me to enable you destroy me in front of the entire crew. Enough so I can never look myself in the eye again. Was that what you wanted?”

“Hux…”

Hux looks up. His face is flushed, his eyes red and burning. The very light stubble on his chin makes him seem weirdly attractive to Ren, despite his dishevelled state. Maybe because of his dishevelled state. He may have regained his inhibition, but he still looks lost and it does something to Ren, touches something deep inside him that he only discovered yesterday. He swallows hard, his mind reeling.

“Why did you have to do this to me?” Hux asks. “Why didn’t you just leave me on medbay? I was not myself. I would never have … never!”

“Yes, I know.” Ren tenses. He has to turn this around somehow or otherwise Hux is going to storm off in a minute and they’ll never get a chance to talk about it again. “So you remember telling me that you want to sleep with me?”

“Oh fuck.” Hux looks up at the ceiling in despair. “So I remember that part correctly.”

“Do you also remember what I answered?”

Hux nods, his face flushing scarlet. “No reason to torture me even more, Ren. I can assure you, if there was an easy way to just off myself right now I would do it.”

“What did I say?”

Hux looks at him as if he can’t believe that Ren is really doing this to him. “You pushed me away, of course. Told me to … to take care of it myself, which apparently I did.” Hux’s cheeks are burning now and it looks adorable. He’s blushing all the way down to his collarbone. 

Ren reaches out again and takes Hux’s hand in his. He wants to hold on to him, because Hux still looks as if he wants to run away. “Only because I didn’t want to take advantage of you while you were out of it.”

Something in Hux’s demeanour changes after Ren’s statement.

“Oh”, he says.

“I told you that I wanted to do it with you very much”, Ren continues, moving closer. This is so important and he has to do it right. Maybe he’s too direct but he knows that Hux is going to fall apart if he doesn’t reassure him right now and he can’t think of another way. “If you still want it when you’re not poisoned anymore.”

“I’m not poisoned anymore”, Hux whispers, barely audible.

“I know.” Ren pushes a strand of hair back from Hux’s forehead. Hux flinches but doesn’t move away.

“Do you still feel the same way?”

Hux bites his lips, looks away. “I can’t … I can’t say it.”

“It’s okay.” Ren pulls him closer and cradles him in his arms. “You don’t have to say it out loud. Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay? Just tell me.” He’s so incredibly relieved when Hux doesn’t try to back away. 

“Why are you like this?” Hux doesn’t lean into the embrace but Ren can feel him relax a fraction. “I thought you despised me.”

“I despise what you force yourself to appear, the barriers you have built. I never knew what was inside.” He kisses his temple. “I would never have suspected how much of yourself you keep hidden. You’re so good at it.”

“I have no other choice. I’d be nothing if I’d…” Hux leans against Ren now and as soon as they are touching skin on skin it feels as if some kind of barrier inside of Hux breaks. He presses against him, as if Ren is the only source of heat on a frozen planet, desperate to get closer, desperate to feel Ren’s naked skin on his. Ren can even sense the birdwings of his heartbeat again and it takes his breath away. How beautiful to feel another person’s heart next to his own.

It’s been so very long since he wanted to protect anything, to keep anything from harm and now the feeling consumes him, make him pull Hux closer, almost too hard. The other man doesn’t protest. He buries his head against Ren’s shoulder as if he’s still ashamed to look up. Ren asks himself how long Hux has denied himself these feelings, how often he’s been told or told himself that there can be nothing but ambition and rage inside of him. That everything else would bring nothing but shame.

And Ren decides that he’s going to make that shame go away. That he’s going to show Hux how beautiful he is, how perfect, when he’s not trying to keep everything in, to hide every emotion from the world, behind layers of mistrust and anger. 

He lets his hands wander up and down Hux’s back and Hux presses into the caress as if he hasn’t felt human touch for years. And he probably hasn’t. Ren wants to do everything right, wants to give Hux exactly what he needs, but he has to be able to see his face for that. He could use the force to read his mind, but he knows how intrusive that feels, how frightening. Scaring Hux in any way is the last thing he wants right now. He senses that he’s still close to take flight.  
Carefully he lays Hux down on the sheets, not letting go of him. Hux’s eyes flutter shut, as if he’s afraid to look at Ren. Ren wishes he would, but they have time. One day maybe Hux will be able to trust him. 

“All I want to do is make you feel good”, he says, His hands caress the bandages very carefully. Hux has endured enough pain, inflicted on him by Ren and others. There will be no more of that. Letting his hands move over Hux’s body, he’s trying to find out where he likes to be touched, searching for his good spots. He moves down to kiss Hux’s neck and by his reaction he immediately knows he’s found one of them. Hux draws in a sharp breath and moves his head to the side to allow Ren better access. Ren is so glad that it’s apparently working, that he succeeds in making Hux let go a little, because it has been so long since he himself has been with anyone. He has to relearn how to give pleasure to someone, has to go back to that place in his mind that once knew. And back then it was never as important, as vital as it is now to do everything right. 

And so he’s elated when Hux seems to like what he does, when he gives in to his touch, some of the tension leaving his body. He can see through the black fabric of his underpants that Hux is very hard and it makes his mouth water. Still, for a moment he’s almost afraid to touch, afraid that he will overstep a boundary and Hux will withdraw into his shell. When he does however, when he gently cups him through the fabric, Hux flinches once but then he relaxes again and moans lightly when Ren starts to massage him.

“Is it good?” Ren asks.

“Yes.” Hux bites his lips. “So good, Ren.”

And for the blink of a moment he can see the version of Hux he got to know yesterday shining through and it turns him on more than anything has ever done.  
“I want to taste you, want to take you into my mouth”, he whispers. “Can I do that?” His voice trembles slightly.

“Yes … please…”

After that Ren doesn’t hesitate anymore. He pulls down Hux’s briefs and then he leans in, licking along the length of his beautiful cock, circling the head with his tongue and tasting salt, because Hux is already leaking. It’s amazing, it’s the best thing ever. He has to touch himself, because his dick is aching with need, but he has to concentrate on Hux right now, to make this as good as possible for him.

At the beginning he can sense that Hux is holding back. His moans are very low and his flat belly is tense, his breathing too shallow, so he doesn’t get enough oxygen. 

“Let go”, Ren whispers. “I’ve got you.” He touches Hux’s inner tights, let’s his fingers gently move along them, while taking him deeper. Hux moans and bucks up his hips and Ren feels almost jubilant.

“Sorry”, Hux whispers, but Ren doesn’t give him a chance to overthink again. He has given maybe two blowjobs back in his days in the academy and those were certainly not expertly done, but what he lacks in experience he makes up for in determination and soon Hux is a moaning, writhing mess beneath him. It’s beautiful, he salvages every little sound he draws from him and he delights in the feeling of Hux burying his hands into his hair, when he’s close.  
He knows that Hux is almost over the edge but for some reason he can’t let go, seems afraid to give up this last barrier of control. Ren can feel his distress, can hear in his voice that it’s almost painful now and that he’s aching for relief. Gently but determined he pushes one finger between his butt cheeks, finds his hole and pushes against it. That does the trick.

Hux tries to pull him back, but Ren only takes him deeper and then he feels Hux go rigid beneath him and the next moment he arcs up, finally releasing himself into Ren’s mouth. “Ren!” he moans. “Oh stars… Ren!”

It takes long, longer than Ren ever thought possible and Hux is trembling beneath him, becoming completely undone. When he finally falls back onto the bed, his dick is still throbbing and slowly softening in Ren’s mouth. He pushes Ren away with shaking hands, because he’s too oversensitive to stand his touch right now and Ren is actually glad, because he can’t wait a second longer.

He kneels between Hux’s spread legs, pulls out his dick and brings himself over the edge in four or five hard strokes. His orgasm is powerful, makes him groan and throw his head back and he comes all over Hux.

Immediately he feels sorry for that, because what if Hux is not into that? What if this is too much for him? But when looks down on him, chest still heaving, an apology on his lips, Hux gazes up at him with such adoration that Ren knows it’s okay.

He smiles, which he almost never does, because it makes him look young and sheepish and so much more innocent than he wants to be.

Hux smiles back, all sated and sweaty, and there he is again: that beautiful, utterly desirable creature from yesterday. 

Ren sinks down on the bed, next to him, hugs him close and sighs with contentment, when the other man snuggles up against him. 

“I should have made you come”, Hux whispers, his voice rough and emotional. “I wanted to.”

Ren kisses his forehead. “Next time.”

Hux stiffens in his embrace. “Do you mean that?”

“What?”

“That there’ll be a next time?”

“There can be as many as you want.” He buries his nose in Hux’s hair, already addicted to the smell. 

“So you really wanted this, too?” Hux asks.

“Yes. More than I was even aware of.”

They’re silent for a while after that, their heartbeats slowing down, and Ren marvels at the feeling of having another human being in his arms. He knew he was lonely but he wasn’t aware of how much he needed this. Hux seems to crave it even more, because he’s still holding onto Ren as if he’s drowning. They doze off after a while and when Ren wakes he needs to use the bathroom and feels a little hungry. He doesn’t want to leave the bed, doesn’t want to break the spell, but eventually they will have to get up. So it’s probably best to find a way this can continue even after leaving the safe confines of his beds. 

“Do you want to eat something?” he asks, not even sure if Hux is awake.

“Are you offering to make me breakfast?” Hux leans back to look up at him. He seems adorably sleepy, his features having softened and a small smile tugging at his lips. Ren can hardly imagine this is the same man barking orders on the bridge, wearing his greatcoat like armour. 

“Well, yes. Why?”

“No one has ever done that. 

He kisses his forehead. “Then it’s time. What do you want?”

“Just tea and some instant toast if you have.”

“I’ll be right back.”

He tries to hurry in the kitchenette, but it still takes time, because he never uses it, always has everything delivered from the refectory. It’s lucky really that Hux hasn’t ordered anything more complicated. He just prepares the same for himself and takes it over to the bedroom on a tablet he apparently owns. It’s absurd and wonderful at the same time to serve Hux breakfast in his bed. 

Hux obviously still feels self- conscious. He has the covers pulled up over the bandages and thanks Ren quietly when he takes the tablet and carefully puts it on the bed between them.

“I still can’t believe this is real”, he says, when he holds the teacup in both hands. His eyes dart over to Ren. “You making tea for me.”

“I’ll gladly do it more often.” Ren distantly remembers that he used to like taking care of others when he was young. Some of that must still be inside of him and it all focuses on Hux now. Apparently Hux isn’t the only one who kept things hidden inside of him.

They eat in silence but it’s not uncomfortable. Still, Ren wants to finish quickly, because all he can think about it that he really wants to touch Hux again. He still feels like the spell could be broken when they are apart for too long, even if it’s just a few inches. What if Hux has second thoughts? What if he decides he can’t do this after all? What if he leaves?

Hux puts his toast down, having only taken a few bites and Ren watches him closely, sure that Hux is going to tell him that he wants to go now. He already ponders arguments to make him stay, but instead Hux carefully moves the tablet on the nightstand and takes a sip from his cup before also setting it own. Then he moves an inch closer to Ren, as if he still isn’t sure he’s allowed to get close to him. 

Ren hurriedly swallows the last bite of his toast and scoots over to Hux, who leans his head against his shoulder. Hux sighs. “I really don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Me neither. But it doesn’t matter, right?”

What he does know is how much he wants Hux. His whole body is aching for him again already and he can’t keep himself from letting his hands move over Hux’s thighs. The strange thing is that this is not only about sex but his desire is so strong it completely overwhelms him for now. He hasn’t even wanted physical contact in years and now he craves it, aches for it. Luckily Hux seems to feel the same way, because he can feel him shiver against him and his hands are cautiously exploring Ren’s body as if he still can’t believe he’s allowed to do this. Ren would love to reassure him, tell him that he will never push him away or deny him anything, but he thinks it best to let Hux find out for himself, to let him determine how far he wants to go.

“I used to hate these kind of dreams”, Hux whispers, his eyes fluttering shut. “And still I always hoped they would happen again.”

“Were they exactly like this?” Ren asks.

“Almost.” Hux smiles, his hand gliding over Ren’s chest. “You were never this kind to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You can’t apologize for your behavior in my own dream.”

“No, but for not being a better model.”

“Ren, we both treated each other badly.”

“Let’s change that.”

He leans his forehead against Hux’s and without force-reading him he can sense how what’s left of Hux’s inner turmoil is slowly drifting away. 

“I still want to sleep with you, Ren”, Hux whispers.

And the fact that he’s brave enough to say it, that he trusts him enough, drives Ren wild immediately. 

He knows he has to be careful, because otherwise he’s going to hurt Hux. He’s far from being experienced and he suspects the same from Hux, but he knows what he has to do, knows what is important, of course. There’s oil in the nightstand luckily and Hux seems to want it so much that he just hopes it’s going to be alright. 

He never thought that preparing someone for sex could be this intimate, this amazing. Hux is so close to him now, Ren’s fingers moving inside him to open him up, he can hear every breath Hux takes, feel every little flinch and he’s never in his life wanted something more. He doesn’t ever want to stop doing this but he’s also so impatient to be inside of Hux, to see how it will feel to own him completely. 

And Hux seems to feel the same way. “I’m ready”, he whispers.

Ren moves over him and feels Hux trembling beneath him, but the look on his face is determined and he sees no fear in his eyes. He wants to ask if this is Hux’s first time, but he knows the answer, knows why this feels so unbelievably special and precious and there’s no reason to make Hux feel more self-conscious.  
It doesn’t matter what happened before this anyway. Nothing matters anymore only that they’ve finally found a way to become this for each other. 

“I’m sorry but it might hurt a little.”

“I don’t care.” Hux bites his lips, almost glares at Ren. “Just do it. I’ve waited long enough.”

Ren pushes against his hole and Hux tenses immediately, feels so tight at first that Ren thinks they might not be able to do this right now, that Hux needs more time.

But then Hux closes his eyes and relaxes for Ren and he can move a little further in. It feels so good and he’s so achingly hard, part of him wants to push forward desperately, take what he needs, but he holds back, moves ever so slowly.

“Stars, you’re big”, Hux says through clenched teeth.

“We can stop if you want to.”

“No! No, Ren.”

“Then you need to relax more, otherwise it’s going to hurt.” He puts a hand to Hux’s face, strokes his sweaty hair back. “Just leave it to me. I’ll go slow.”  
He leans down to kiss Hux and that helps. Suddenly Hux allows himself to become much more open, his muscles unclenching and he kisses Ren hungrily, moans when he pushes his tongue forward and draws him closer.

When Ren is finally buried inside of Hux, he gives him a moment to adjust and then he starts to move, slow and careful at first but when he feels that Hux likes it, that he pushes back against him, his thrusts gradually become deeper and harder. He can feel Hux’s erection hot and leaking between their bodies and it drives him crazy. Hux is sweaty now, his hair falling into his eyes and Ren wants to lick his whole body. He pushes himself up with one arm without breaking his rhythm and reaches between them to grasp Hux’s erection, eliciting a beautiful drawn out moan from the other man. 

“I want to make you come like this”, Ren groans. “With me deep inside you.”

“I .. I want that, too”, Hux pants. “But I … I…”

Ren remembers that Hux always has trouble finding release and this is still unfamiliar for him. But Ren wants this so much, wants to see Hux tumbling over the edge, make him feel so good he’ll never be able to forget this.

He strokes him in the same rhythm he pushes into him and leans forward to kiss Hux’s throat at the same time. And he can tell that Hux likes it, likes it almost too much, but it’s not enough to push him over the edge and soon he’s at that stage again where his pleasure almost turns into pain and his moans become agonized. Ren can feel how desperately Hux craves his orgasm now and he’s desperate to give it to him. 

“I want you so much”, he whispers without even thinking about it, but by the shudder that runs through Hux’s whole body he knows it works. “I love sleeping with you.”

Hux archs up against him and Ren can feel his dick swelling in his hand. He gives it another firm stroke.

“You’re so beautiful, so perfect.”

Hux throws his head back and his whole body shudders when he comes, calling Ren’s name. That and the look of utter bliss on his face pushes Ren over the edge and he releases himself deep inside of him. 

They stay connected until the last tremors of Hux’s climax stop and then Ren pulls out very carefully, still drawing a little hiss from Hux. 

He sinks down on the mattress, still breathing hard, and pulls Hux close to him. “Are you okay?”

“Okay?” Hux’s voice sounds different. Dark, sated. “That might be the understatement of the century.”

“So it was good for you?” One of the few things he knows about sex is that you should never ask that. But he has his insecurities, too.

“I’ve never felt this good in my life.” Hux sounds completely sincere. “Ren?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t want to lose this.”

“You won’t. Never.” Suddenly he feels like he could destroy stars to protect Hux, shatter the galaxy. And he feels powerful enough to do it, because the force inside of him has never been this strong, this balanced and at his command. It is as if he’s found some missing part and he never thought it could be this close to him. He leans in to kiss Hux’s temple and another smile tugs at his lips. He doesn’t even care anymore.

“What is it?” Hux asks smiling up at him. 

“I just thought that the Eruvian beetle is my new favourite animal.”

**Author's Note:**

> So grateful for your feedback! Your comments and kudos really make my day!


End file.
